Joey's Mental Health
by Sealius
Summary: Just what the title says. Don't read if you are obsessed with Kaiba or Duke. (soon to come) All flames will be contributed to my BBQ.
1. Default Chapter

Joey's Mental Health  
  
Chapter 1  
  
A sad (in the crazy looking way) teen sat in a small room in which the walls were padded. The teen had wild blonde hair, blue jeans, and a green jacket. Yes it was Joey but he's in a mental state. His therapy begins in a few minutes. The people in the mental institute put him in a straight jacket, but it was only bad for him because he had an itch on his nose. When the officials saw him trying to scratch it on the wall they thought that his case was even more serious. 'Dis stinks,' he thought. 'It's like tryin' to scratch your nose on a pillow.' Joey was thinking all of this because after his previous run-ins with Seto Kaiba and Duke Devlin he had been mentally scarred by pooches. He could still think words but... "Joey Wheeler, the therapist will see you now." said an institute official. An old man with strange eyeglasses and a pen and notepad walked in. 'Dis' guy smells funny,' thought Joey. "Now then, Joey Vheeler, vhat seems to be ze problem," "Woof." Joey answered. "Vhat?" asked the therapist. 'Heh, he says 'what' all funny," Joey thought. "Woof." Joey barked again. "Vhat? I still did not quite get that." said the therapist. 'Heh Heh Heh...' Thought Joey. *~Hours Later~* "Are you saying, voof?" asked the therapist. 'No I'm sayin woof." Joey thought. "Woof." Joey said again. "Is it voof?!" asked the therapist frantically. "Woof." Joey said yet again. "You cooperate none! You are driving me mad!" yelled the therapist. 'Yeah, here it comes. Wait for it.' Joey thought. "Arf." he said. "Arf? You now say arf?" asked the therapist with a crazed look on his face. "Nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! AAAAAAARF! Ze horror! Ze pooches! Nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!" shreiked the therapist as he ran out of the room and down the hall. The official caught him threw a straight jacket on him and put him in a padded room with about 3 other men and a sign above the door that said "Therapists" "That's the fouth one this week, Joey Wheeler." said the official. "But we'll get you tomorrow." 'Heh Heh...An' it's only Monday.' Joey thought. 


	2. The Big DOH!

Chapter 2  
  
"Arf! Woof! Bark!" Joey barked into the wall vent.  
  
"Gyaaaaaa!" Shrieked the insane therapists.  
  
'Heh Heh Dis' is so much fun.' thought Joey.  
  
"Shut up in there!" shouted the official.  
  
"Woof!" barked Joey. "Arf! A...Yip!"Joey whimpered as a big shoe smacked him in the head.  
  
'Stupid officials!' Joey thought.  
  
"Alright Mr. Wheeler," said the official. "We've got another therapist coming in and you won't be able to get one over on this one."  
  
'Yeah right.' Joey thought.  
  
An old man walked in. "Vell Joey Vheeler... Vhat seems to be ze problem?" he asked.  
  
'Are Dese' guys in alliance or somethin'?' Joey thought. 'They ask da same questions and they all talk funny.'  
  
"Arf." barked Joey.  
  
"Ah yes. "Arf" zat's gut." said te therapist. "Any mixed feelings?"  
  
"Arf." Joey barked.  
  
The therapist stood and said "You may come in now."  
  
At that moment Seto Kaiba walked through the door. He looked at Joey and said. "Phido! I've found you! Where've you been all these years."  
  
"Uh, Kaiba... Zat is ze patient." said the therapist.  
  
"Huh? Oh my bad." Kaiba said as he quit smothering Joey in hugs and kisses.  
  
"Note to self." said the therapist. "Set up an appointment for Seto Kaiba."  
  
"He reminds me f my old dog that ran away tears ago." Kaiba explained.  
  
"Now zen. Do you have any idea Vhy Mr. Vheeler could be acting zis vay?" asked the therapist.  
  
"Yes." Kaiba answered.  
  
"Explain," said the therapist.  
  
"Well on Duelist Kingdom he wouldn't quit bugging me." Kaiba began. "So I dueled him and shamed him for losing so bad."  
  
"And how did you pick on him?" asked the therapist.  
  
"I told him to quit his yapping and that he acted like nothing more than a little chiuahua. It was funny, man. I heard that he even had nightmares about it that night." Kaiba explained.  
  
'What is wid' dis.' Joey thought. 'Dis' is my appointment.' Joey crawled over to Kaiba's leg and started chewing and ripping at his pants leg.  
  
"You stupid pooch," Kaiba said as he picked up a 'conveniently placed' newspaper and rolled it up. Kaiba stood and hid it behind his back.  
  
"Grrr..." Joey growled and hunckered back.  
  
"Here pooch," Kaiba said with an eerie fake smile. Kaiba took a step closer. "Yaaaaah!" he yelled as he flung the paper down at Joey.  
  
"SMACK!" It popped Joey right on the head.  
  
"Yip!Yip!Yip!" Joey yelped as he started running. (On all fours)  
  
"Get back here, you mutt" Kaiba yelled and he bagan to chase Joey around in circles, waving the paper around threateningly.  
  
The therapist stood and walked over to the door. He walked out and began talking with the official. "Seto vill you please come over here?" he asked Kaiba.  
  
Joey was hunkered down in a corner, growling as Kaiba slowly got closer with the newspaper held high in the air. He put the paper down.  
  
"Yes sir." Kaiba said innocently.  
  
Joey sat there watching Kaiba and the therapist talk to the official. (This is not to make Joey look gay) He looked at Kaiba's butt.  
  
'Such fine satin pants... Must Rip!' he thought.  
  
Joey ran towards Kaiba and jumped, (at butt level) with his mouth wide open.  
  
"Well, you see," Kaiba started. "I... Ahhhhh! Get it off!!!" he screamed as Joey latched on to his butt. "Get it off!!!"  
  
Kaiba was slapping at Joey's head and running around the room.  
  
"Hey you!" the official satrted.  
  
The therapist put a hand in front of him. He shook his head with a "Just leave it. It's far too sad to comprehend" look on his face. Kaiba grabbed Joey by the scruff of his neck and ripped him off of his butt.  
  
"You... Stupid... piece... of..." Kaiba started.  
  
"Kaiba. Ze appointment iz over." said the therapist. "You may go now."  
  
"The sooner the better," Kaiba said.  
  
"Um... Kaiba..." said the official. "You can put him down now."  
  
Kaiba looked at Joey who was beating at his hand trying to get away. "Oh my bad." Kaiba dropped Joey on his butt and left the room.  
  
"Will you be back tomorrow?" the official asked the thrapist.  
  
"Yes. But vhat have you been feeding Joey?" the therapist asked.  
  
"Fee...ding..., Doh!" said the official in a Homer Simpson kind of way.  
  
"Just fed him something." said the therapist. "I vill be leaving now."  
  
The therapist left and the official rushed to the kitchen and got Joey some gruel. He sat it on the floor and left the room.  
  
He came back five minutes later and found the gruel all over the room and saw Joey growling at a certain strange piece tha was shaped funny.  
  
'Wus' dis' crap he's tryin da feed me!' Joey thought.  
  
"Bark!Bark!Bark!" Joey barked.  
  
'Look out! It's Benji Franklin!' Joey thought gesturing towards the piece of gruel.  
  
"I know what you want." said the official.  
  
* * * * Joey sitting in his padded room happily eating a bowl of Kibbles n' Bits. 


	3. Diceman

"I'm in heaven!" Joey thought as a giant doggie bone floated by him. He looked around. "Giant fire-hydrants! Yes!" Joey walked over to the fire hydrant and lifted his leg.  
  
"Kick!" It all melted away.  
  
Joey opened his eyes and Duke Devlin was standing over him.  
  
"Howl!" Joey howled in horror.  
  
"Get up now, mutt!" Duke said. "It's long past time for this 'therapy' and I don't have any patience with you. Hey! German Dude! He's up now!"  
  
The therapist walked in. "Gud. You did not vake him, did you?"  
  
"No." Duke said innocently.  
  
*Joey rolling around on the floor in pain, clutching his side*  
  
"Vell zen. Let us get started." Said ze. *the therapist.  
  
"Dis' sucks." Joey thought. "Duke's da one thing I don't wanna see right in my face when I wake up."  
  
"Now zen, Duke, can you tell me vhy he iz acting zis vay?" the therapist asked.  
  
"Okay. to start, I ain't a dog person. Can't stand them. Can't stand Wheeler either, or cats. Cats. I hate them. They sh*t everywhere and their p*ss smells just bloody awful all over my furniture." Duke said, getting a bit carried away.  
  
"Duke. I only need to know about Mr. Vheeler." The therapist said.  
  
"Oh, yeah. My bad, doc." Duke said.  
  
"Darn." Joey thought. "I'd like to take a chunk out of him the way I did Kaiba, but he might make that fat arse cheerleader sit on me again..."  
  
Joey noticed Duke's dice ear ring dangling. "Oooh!" Joey thought. "I wonder if it squeaks."  
  
He, sneakily, walked behind Duke's chair and climbed on top. Duke didn't notice because he was going on, still, about how he hates common, domestic (all) animals.  
  
Joey eyed the big dice hanging from Duke's ear. "Must. Chew!" he thought as he jumped grabbing it in his jaws and dragging Duke to the ground.  
  
"Ahhh! Let goooo! Let gooooooooo!" Duke screamed. "My ear! Ahhh! Let. it. go!"  
  
"Squeeeek!"  
  
*Joey's eyes widened in an eerie way*  
  
"Yes! Squeek!" Joey thought. He ripped the ear ring off of Duke's ear with his teeth, and carried it away with an immature sense of pride, (Sort of the way dog's do when they have a roadkill squirrel) with his but stuck up in the air.  
  
"You. stupid. Muttboy!" Duke growled. "That's my favorite ear ring. GRRRR. Cheerleaders! Get in here!"  
  
"Duke! Duke! He's our man! He's gonna kick that muttboy's can!" Cheered the cheerleaders as the pranced in.  
  
"What is it Duke?!" they all said in synchronization.  
  
"You, the skinny one," Duke said. "get me the lighter! You the fine one! Get me the dental floss! And you, the fat one! Sit on him and make sure that he doesn't go anywhere!"  
  
"Duke, zat sounds ingeniously diabolical, but I cannot allow any harm to come to ze patient." The therapist said.  
  
"Well I will anyway." Duke said.  
  
"I cannot allow you to do that!" said a familiar, deep, voice. "The spirit of my Millennium Puzzle will aid me in helping my friend!"  
  
"Yugi?" Duke gasped. "Is that you? Is the therapist a costume?"  
  
"Yes! And I'm here to help Joey out. But. Could you please undo this zipper?" Yugi said. "I've been trying for the last ten minutes."  
  
"No." Duke said quickly.  
  
"C'mon! I have to be the obsessive card playing hero here!" Yugi whined.  
  
"You lost me at the part where that was my problem." Duke said.  
  
"Fine. I'll do it myself." Yugi said. "I call upon the power of the Dark Magician!"  
  
"Dude.." Duke said. "It's just a shiny piece of paper, chill out."  
  
"Alright! Yugi yelled. "Yami! Get out here and help me!"  
  
Yami floated out, undid the zipper, and floated back in muttering, "Moron."  
  
"Hah! Now you'll pay for terrorizing my friend!" Yugi yelled with pride that, with his luck, just couldn't last.  
  
*Yugi. Goes to do the throwing off your disguise to reveal your true identity thing. (Team Rocket on Pokemon do it a lot.)  
  
Realistically, the foot part of the costume caught his foot and. I think you know what comes next.  
  
*Thud!  
  
"Why me?..." Yugi whimpered as he lay on the floor.  
  
"Hah! Hah!" Duke laughed. "I thought nothing could make this a good day but you proved me wrong.  
  
"Be quiet!" Yugi yelled. "Y'know something that's just as funny? Your abnormally long neck and your makeup!"  
  
"I don't have a long neck!" Duke yelled squeezing his head down trying to make his neck look shorter. "And this isn't makeup!"  
  
"Are you almost done in there?!" yelled the official through the door.  
  
"Ahem. Yes!" Yugi said, once again in his German accent. He put his costume back on and looked at Duke and. (Ba Ba Bam.)  
  
The official walked in. The "therapist" was at the door, Joey was chewing on the dice ear ring, and the Duke squad was tied up in ropes with bandanas tied around their mouths. "What went on in here?!" he asked.  
  
"Noting much." The therapist replied. "Zese people should be put in separate rooms, and Mr. Vheeler released on no contact vith humans for ze next veek."  
  
"Oh, and by ze vay. Feed him 9% iron doggie food from now on. It's better for him." 


	4. FREE! ?

"Okay Mr. Wheeler you're time's up," said the voice of an official as he opened to door for Joey for the last time.  
  
Joey just looked out of it with a childish excitement in his eyes.  
  
"Are you able to speak yet?" asked the official.  
  
Joey simply looked at him with a look of annoyance.  
  
"Well. You're free to go Mr. Wheeler," said the official looking at Joey with tears welling up in his eyes.  
  
"BWAAAHAAAHAA!!" he sobbed. "It won't be the SAME without YOU HERE!!! You've been this mans best friend!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
The official ran to Joey and gave him a hug that felt more like his Aunt Margerite with vice grips surgically imbued into her arms.  
  
"BWAAAAAAAA!!" cried the official still.  
  
"Ggghh!!" grunted Joey, gasping for breath.  
  
"I'm going to miss you!!!" said the official as Joey begun to turn a nice shade of purple.  
  
He finally dropped Joey. "Oh my. You're purple."  
  
"Yeah. huggin' me wid those elephant sized arms no freakin' wonder," Joey thought.  
  
" I'm so sorry!!!" shouted the official.  
  
"Yeah well, at least," said Joey still gasping for air.  
  
"I've squeezed out your. HIDDEN CHAMELEON POWERS!!!!" the official yelled.  
  
"Wha.?" thought Joey, his mind now completely blank.  
  
"YOU ARE SUCH A SIMP!!" Joey shouted at the official.  
  
The official looked bumfuzzled, "You can talk? So you're not a cute little puppy?" The official stood and pushed Joey out of the padded room. "Bye."  
  
Joey looked back around at the man. "Hmm." Joey let out a big yawn, stretching his arms, and 'accidentally' pushed the door closed where it locked, leaving the official there to go insane, all by himself!!  
  
"That's what you get for tryin' to make me eat good ol' Benjy Fay," said Joey to himself.  
  
He walked by a door with a sign hung over it that read 'THERAPISTS.'  
  
He opened the speaking window and picked up the microphone. As the window slid open he saw a bunch of squat looking German hobos sitting around a fire with voodoo heads tied to sticks in one corner of the room, munching on, "Well I don't think I wanna know what they're munchin on,'"  
  
"IT IS THE PLAGUEBRINGER!" shouted several of the therapists. They jumped up and grabbed the sticks. Several of them stood in front of the window pointing them at Joey, and the rest were eerily doing some kind of voodoo dance around the fire, tying rolled up news papers to the voodoo heads.  
  
They all began to chant, "NEHAMNE JIGABOO CHA~CHA!!"  
  
Joey looked at them with a gaze of utter confusion, and, for some odd reason, sympathy, as he slowly closed the window back and began to take leave at a fast walk. trot... run.  
  
He made his way down the 40 flights of stairs that led to the ground, running down 29 and stumbling down 11. When he finally reached the ground, which he tripped onto, he made a bee-line for the exit.  
  
When he was out he saw a GIGANTIC dog float overhead. His eyes widened, but he tried to remain cool. "Just a coincidence," he said to himself.  
  
"Hey JOEY!!!" shouted the voices of his friends: Yugi, Tea, Tristan, and Bakura.  
  
Joey turned and ran towards their voices to give them the biggest bear-hug in history, but once he got within a foot of them he stopped.  
  
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! !!!!!" he shouted, turning and running from a bunch of dogs on two feet with the heads of his friends sticking out of them.  
  
  
  
"I wonder what Joey's problem was?" said Tristan to his friends.  
  
"Beats me," said Tea.  
  
"There just isn't understanding for some," said Bakura.  
  
"I was just going to wish him a happy Dog's Day," said Yugi.  
  
Fin 


End file.
